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The Ball
by Kim Richards
“It is not the end of the physical
body that should worry us. Rather, our concern must be to live while we are
alive-to release our inner selves from the spiritual death that comes with
living behind a façade designed to conform to external definitions of who and
what we are.”
Elisabeth Kübler Ross
Fall is
my favorite season. Here in Colorado, we have had an unusually hot summer and
having intentionally moved from the searing deserts of Arizona to the Rocky
Mountains, I was reminded why. I am invigorated by the typical daily (sometimes
hourly!) weather changes of Colorado and I long for the transition to fall. The
crisp freshness of cool nights and early mornings causes me to pause, reflect
and breathe in life. I start to anticipate my first fall hike, a bike ride
without 50 SPF and eventually a downhill powder run on my newly waxed skis. The
lush flowers that used to grace my deck and patio are now withered and spent. I
can relate…our 15 year old dog, Gator, was peacefully euthanized in our home
yesterday.
Gator was
a 90 pound Chesapeake Bay Retriever who never allowed his brothers, very
friendly and effusively social, but forgetful of the “Retriever” part of being a
Golden Retriever, to define his existence nor his life purpose…to swim and
retrieve his tennis ball. It was his job, his mission and heaven help anyone or
any animal that got in the line of his laser like focus. Gator was also
supremely loyal to my husband and me even up until the moment he passed
painlessly and effortlessly with the assistance of a Veterinary angel.
While I
could write a book on lessons learned from each of my dogs, and the gut
wrenching heartbreak of loss, I will take a clue from Gator and write about the
power of focusing on “the ball”, living in the moment, releasing the gift of our
inner selves and removing the façade of external definition. Through the twists
and turns of my life, finally I am able to face the fear of sinking and do what
comes naturally…swim! I have been blessed to mostly swim in a collaborative
school of other likeminded “fish”, yet the occasional encounter with the
deceptive allure of mermaid fish may have briefly taken my focus off the ball.
No problem! That instance was erased with another throw of the ball chucker!
 As
Gator perfected the snowplow with abandon and would leap without fear into
sometimes frozen water, breaking the ice with his powerful momentum,
determination, and fueled by passion, I too have found my biggest successes
occur after just “going for it”, without worrying how I am defined by others.
His life was big, focused, joyous, uninhibited yet sometimes messy and just
plain crappy. We always knew how he felt and he asked for what he wanted. Gator
never stopped to wonder how he must have looked to his brothers, the “born to
please” Golden brothers, Sammy and Valentino who are notoriously seeking
approval and attention. While treasured, they are beautiful followers and even
as Gator slowed and lagged behind, they understood that Gator set the tone for
every walk to the park, every encounter with other dogs, and would correct every
errant way of his much younger brothers.
Even as
his massive body wore out, his mind and his deteriorating eyesight was still
focused on the ball. He did not know that he could not run after the ball
without suffering the later consequences of pain…he just ran! He did not know
that a younger, more agile dog would catch his ball…he ran like he was one
with the ball! He simply wanted to carry the ball and stayed the course of
his passion! Yes, others (specifically little yappy dogs) may not have approved
of his assertiveness, but so what? He was the master of his destiny.
I have
only known Gator for 6 of his 15 years and admit to being very intimidated by
his “eye lock” on me when I invaded his space and married his Dad. After all,
Valentino was a new puppy and I had only had a miniature daschund before then!
In the years since, big Gator became a mama’s boy and I was smitten with the
combination of his sense of enormous power, protectiveness and self control, yet
childlike sweetness as he would cry like a baby when I walked in the door after
trips away. Often, no words were needed to communicate. If you are a dog lover,
you know the bond. It is unyielding trust. In the last few months, at 5am when I
awoke to see him staring at me to help him navigate steps to go outside, he
knew, without a doubt, that he would be cared for with compassion, gentleness
and honor reflective of his gifts to us.
With the
last hydrotherapy session, (a treadmill in a water tank!) it was painfully
obvious the thrill was gone…we chose to let him swim with assistance in the big
pool and even though he carried the ball in his mouth, he was struggling. He was
asking us to let him go. Swimming with a “just in case” Speedo diaper was not
his idea of dignity, nor ours, and he was, for once in his life, terrified of
sinking.
If you
are not a pet lover, you are probably wondering why all the effort. If you are,
you already understand. A life of focus on a purposeful ball, swimming freely
and living fully is a worthy life. His memory lays buried within my heart.
Jump in.
Swim.
Keep your eye on the ball.
Release your gifts.
Define your own life.
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